


and honestly, we wouldn't be ourselves if we were different

by frenchleaves



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author vents emotions through sasuke, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gen, Introspection, Kinda Konoha Bashing, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Soulmates, Team as Family, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, Uchiha Sasuke Needs Therapy, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Wanderlust, Warning: Uchiha Sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 12:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17467226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenchleaves/pseuds/frenchleaves
Summary: After the war, Sasuke leaves Konoha again.This time, things end differently and yet the same.





	and honestly, we wouldn't be ourselves if we were different

**Author's Note:**

> it's 3am and I got tired of studying because I just had so many emotions going through me at the time. So, here is me venting through Sasuke, inspired completely by the scene in which he leaves Konoha again, which is ep. 479 (for reference!)
> 
> title comes from the song Butterflies by Samsa, which is mwuak! delightful. 
> 
> i regret nothing, but beware my writing's terrible (do tell me if you see anything wrong, I repeat this is not edited) and this was the catharsis of my emotions, so, there's that.
> 
> enjoy!

It’s something like this,

 

Autumn enters the forest outside Konoha, marking the beginning of yet another cycle in their destined short lives. Sasuke can see how the leaves fall, fall, and fall. He, in exchange, runs. Sasuke runs and runs and runs and runs, runs from his life, from his friends, from his home, if it can even be called that anymore. He runs, as he always has, runs behind the ghost of Itachi, runs from his Uchiha ancestry, runs from the only one who has even cared for him–

 

And Naruto.

 

He envies Naruto, who does not feel the need to run. A pillar, a rock, steady in his feet and balanced, facing his problems upfront. Of course, Sasuke knows Naruto ran like him once, ran from the hatred the villagers gave him, the neglectance from every adult who had to care for him, but he learned and stopped running. He started to be steady, to find balance, to find a thing to fight for. Naruto found friends, and the validation he so greatly dreamt of. Naruto finally found a home.

 

Naruto stopped running.

 

And Sasuke? Sasuke. Can’t. Stop.

 

Sasuke can’t stop running, which is why the gates of Konoha open to him again. Wind blows on his black cape, which cover his missing limb. Another reminder of Naruto. Naruto who found a home. Naruto who desperately wanted to share this home with Sasuke. And Sasuke, whose home was ripped off with cold calculating hands, does not know how to accept a new home. Naruto’s home, the one responsible for the Uchiha Massacre.

 

Sasuke wishes nothing would surprise him to the point of anger anymore, but Konoha and Itachi’s everlasting loyalty for her makes the pit of fire in his stomach kindle with the fire of a thousand suns.

 

He knows Itachi was innocent, but the fact that he was willing to kill his mother– the fact that Itachi could pierce through Mikoto’s heart just to protect Sasuke… that is not something Sasuke deserves.

 

Specially not now, after everything that has happened.

 

Leaves continue to fall, one making its way into Sasuke’s black hair. He shakes it off, leaving another thing from Konoha behind. The man turns, cloak willowing behind him, as he turns to meet the faces of part of his team.

 

Kakashi, who’s Hokage now, gives him a nod. Sasuke can’t believe for his life that Kakashi made Hokage. Or maybe he can, the man’s powerful after all, he just didn’t realize the Hatake was willing to take on such an arduous and time-spending position.

 

Besides him stands Sakura. She stands tall besides him, and comes up to Sasuke’s shoulders now. Her headband is now tied around her left arm, a habit she probably got from Shikamaru, if Sasuke remembers correctly. He does remembers that when he left, Sakura had been the tallest of all three of them, and while both Sasuke and Naruto tower over her, the Haruno holds her shoulders in a muscled, tall frame. They share a look for a full minute, not knowing how to interact outside of what they have known all of their lives: Sakura the fangirl and Sasuke the avenger. The man doesn’t know how to say goodbye, how to continue running when he’s leaving more disappointed people behind, people who once trusted him and now don’t know him at all.

 

Besides Sakura, there is no Naruto.

 

Sasuke resigns himself to unfulfilled curiosity.

 

Sasuke wishes he was with Taka, their camaraderie not changing even after Sasuke left them behind.

 

A fleeting hand scratches the back of her buzzed head, and Sakura gives Sasuke a tentative smile. It is not completely honest, Sasuke knows, having made Sakura go through so much pain, but Sasuke ails too, and that’s a thing not many people will ever understand. Sakura did find a home, not that she ever lost it in the first place. She has Ino waiting for her back at their place now, and if that isn’t surprising for Sasuke, after so many years from running from those two, then he would actually– well, Sasuke doesn’t know what he would’ve done.

 

“We’ll be here waiting,” Sakura says after a while, “You can always come back.”

 

_No, that has never been an option._ Sasuke thinks, but doesn’t dare to say to Sakura’s hopeful eyes.

 

Kakashi stands still, an ally in the life that is not knowing how to say goodbye. People have always drawn comparisons between the two–prodigies, tragic and mysterious past, powerful. But now Kakashi is Hokage, and Sasuke continues to run. The Hatake hands Sasuke a thick scroll–his side mission. The real reason why Kakashi lets him be able to leave Konoha and not be imprisoned for decades over his war crimes. The Hokage takes a deep breathe, and lets go of the scroll, now crossing his arms over his uniform.

 

“I hope you know that you should be in jail for what you did. You were pardoned only for you actions, and for Naruto’s, Sakura’s, and my appeals, and don’t ever forget that. You’re leaving, so don’t go causing trouble because it will turn back to me… but Sakura’s right,” Kakashi insists, “Konoha will always be here.” _Konoha will always be your home._

 

Sasuke looks away from the duo, his eyes glazing over the Hokage mountain, which has the new addition of a half-finished Hatake face besides the Godaime’s.

 

He hesitates. “I–” Sasuke counts to ten, only reaching up until four. “The mission will be completed, Hokage-sama.” Both Sakura and Kakashi sigh in defeat, very well knowing Sasuke’s home is and will never be Konoha, not after what they did to his family, to his brother.

 

“Of course, Uchiha.” Kakashi says, tone formal but still slouched as usual. “I will not expect any less from one of my students.”

 

“You’ll write, right?” Sakura asks, eyes glistening in the sunlight. She has always been open to her emotions, never hiding behind them. The perfect contrast to both the last Uchiha and Hatake, who know of nothing but to leave their emotions aside. Sasuke will never recognize this aloud, but he has never known how to handle people crying, and that is another one of his many weaknesses. “Please don’t leave us in the dark, we want to know how you do in your travels.”

 

_Us,_ Sakura says. The Uchiha understands she means not only her and Kakashi, but also Naruto. He silently thanks her for not mentioning him.

 

He turns back to her, and the corners of his mouth tilt up into a tentative smile. “If you wish so,” Sasuke mutters, once away looking away. He thinks of how many promises he has broken, and maybe he can keep this one. After all, Sasuke owes Sakura for helping him get back into society, and healing the bruises and cuts and pains he gave himself when he went too deep into training, into trying to forget. Sakura is now an ally, a friend. Slow but surely, Sakura is now family.

 

But Sakura has never been his home, and likewise.

 

_“No matter what you decide from now on…I will love you forever…You don't have to forgive me,_ **_Sasuke_ ** _”_

 

Itachi would want for him to stop running, to stay here. But that is not what Sasuke needs.

 

His brother would be happy to see him carry on though, and so he does. Sakura is older than Sasuke, but he sees her as a sibling now, the little sister he was robbed of.

 

He taps her forehead, just like Itachi once did to him, just like Shisui had done with Itachi. A gesture of a bond formed, of family.

 

“Thank you, Sakura.”

 

He does not wait for her to react. Sasuke turns, once again turning his back onto his team, turning on his chosen family, turning on Konoha.

 

For once, he does this not as a traitor leaving, but as a brother who needs to heal.

 

The road ahead is long, but it is one Sasuke wishes to explore. The Uchiha wishes to see the wide continent, how each capital differs from what he’s already experienced–the humid corridors of Oto and the willowing trees and populated streets of Konoha, the different cultures, past history, the grudges others continue hold. He is willing to learn new techniques, new ways to face his problems, new ways of thought, and he will not find that in Konoha, nor will he find it fighting for her. Sasuke needs to live life for his own means for once, for his own needs, and not for those of village in which he was raised, the village who betrayed him. Sasuke wishes to recover, but that is a thing that takes time.

 

Sasuke takes another step and stops.

 

For a second, his shoulder turn enough for him to look back, and there continue to stand Kakashi and Sakura, looking at his back as always,looking at him running over and over and over again. He meets Sakura’s gaze, and gives her a nod. Kakashi’s eye follow his movements thoroughly, and he too assents his head.

 

For now, it is enough.

 

Sasuke turns back, looking again to the never-ending road. He walks two full meters before he senses him.

 

_Naruto._

 

The Uchiha stops and glances sideways. Surely, the blonde sits atop a branch of one of the lower trees. Naruto is not looking at him, but at the turning figures of Kakashi and Sakura, returning back to their daily routines. He takes a deep breath, and meets Sasuke’s gaze.

 

“You’re breaking their hearts, y’know?” _Their,_ not mine.

 

Sasuke presses his lips together, and starts to count. He reaches up to three, and completely turns to match Naruto’s front, even when his legs itch to run away, r _un_ a _w_ a _y, run away._ Sasuke’s eyesight is not the best with his Sharingan in disuse, but from there he can see Naruto’s furrowed brow.

 

“I didn’t think you’d come see me off.” Sasuke says nonchalantly, his gaze meeting the blonde’s.

 

A sweet laugh, a deep sarcastic one, meets the sound of wind and falling leaves. The blonde climbs down from his spot in the branch, now fully facing the Uchiha. “Who do you take me for, bastard?” Naruto asks, as always his temper getting the best of him.

 

His voice is like music to Sasuke’s ears. At one point it had been annoying, but he now cherishes it like he does for very little things. Still, Sasuke’s eyes wander down to Naruto’s moving sleeve. The arm he lost in order to help Sasuke find himself. It is only thanks to Naruto that Sasuke did not lose himself in the pits of revenge, and it is thanks to him that Sasuke can have a bit of freedom to appease for his sins. His gaze snaps up when Naruto snorts. Cerulean eyes, color matching that of the clear sky, roll at the Uchiha’s silence. “Here,” he says, taking a piece of cloth out of his pocket.

 

Naruto was always a sentimental, and a hoarder to boot.

 

Sasuke does not only cherish Naruto’s laugh, he realizes. He also cherishes his sentimentality, the way he cares for others, the careless way he faces the world, how he does not turn face when the time comes. Sasuke is running, and for the first time in his life, he wishes he was the drive to stay, the drive to create a life with Kakashi and Sakura, a life with Naruto. Sasuke wishes he was selfless enough to realize that there are people here willing to help him get better with time, but Sasuke is and has always been a selfish bastard, and his ultimate resolution is to leave.

 

But for the first time, the idea of coming back seems like a feasible end to the resolution of his sins.

 

“I can’t believe you kept that, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke sighs, looking at the tattered headband Naruto holds in his bandaged hand. _Sasuke’s tattered_ missing-nin headband. His stomach tightens in what Sasuke realizes is a mix of deeply rooted emotions–shame, guilt, sadness. There is also a warmth that goes through all of his body, an emotion he does not have a name for, but that he always feels in Naruto’s presence and normally chooses to ignore. Not anymore.

 

Naruto ushers the headband closer to him, hoping Sasuke will take it. Sasuke can see it in his eyes, there is still hope for Sasuke in there. The worst part is that it’s aimed at Sasuke, as if he hasn’t hurt Naruto enough for him to never want to speak to the Uchiha ever again. Yet, here he is, still offering his friendship, offering a place to settle down, offering a _home._

 

It goes unsaid. _Take it. Take it or stay here with us, with me._

 

Sasuke’s hand comes out from deep within his cloak, and he grabs the piece of fabric. Fingers brush for a second, and he can hear Naruto’s breath hitch. Sasuke’s does too, even if he does not realize then. An accidental brush of fingers is the first gentle touch he has had in years. And it’s with Naruto.

 

In the end, it has always been with Naruto.

 

_“Stop running.”_ Itachi’s voice whispers in his mind, and that Sasuke stuffs in a remote corner of his mind.

 

He has to, it is what he needs. Sasuke is selfish, selfish enough to continue running.

 

“Sasuke–”

 

The Uchiha takes the headband and stuffs it into a protected pocket of his black cloak. His hand comes up and gestures for Naruto to stop. “Don’t, Naruto.” he says, hoping Naruto will for once take his cue and leave. Sasuke’s core warmth continue to rise, and it calls for the sun, _the sun_ . _Naruto._

 

Sasuke cannot stay. He has to leave, but–

 

“I am leaving, and I don’t plan to come back.” Sasuke declares with finality, and Naruto’s shoulders slump. He’s disappointed in Sasuke once again.

 

Naruto watches him move, rolling the kinks in his shoulders. “I am staying, and I don’t plan to move from here.” the blonde says after a minute. He inhales, exhales, inhales.“You are breaking their heart.” he insists in a breathy exhale, and now Sasuke understands what Naruto is trying to convey.

 

_You are breaking_ **_my_ ** _heart._

 

Leaves rustle as they continue to fall. Sasuke closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, but he does not count. “Usuratonkachi,” he says, emotions welling up in his eyes, “You didn’t let me finish.”

 

“Asshole, “ Naruto mutters, and as always, the insult is very well deserved.

 

Sasuke gives the blonde a tentative smile. In front of Sasuke stands the only person in the world that has always cared for him and done whatever they could to help him heal, to help him grow. Naruto did what he did for a claimed “bond”, but even Sasuke can see he always meant more than that. The war just helped them figure what that meant. Their souls are linked. The Sun and the Moon, linked as one. There is a word for it, _soulmates._

 

“I’m leaving,” Sasuke insists, as if making himself believe it before he changes his mind. “I do not plan to come back.”

 

He takes a step closer to Naruto, and offers him a hand. A genuine touch, gentle and meaningful human contact, which Sasuke has never offered to anyone for more than a decade now. Naruto looks at the hand, and then right back at Sasuke, who continues.

 

“You are staying, and you don’t plan to move.” Sasuke repeats Naruto’s words, and then, “And maybe I don’t plan to come back, but if it means that you are here, I could always change my mind.” _If you let me come back to you, if you give me a little time, I’ll return for you._

 

Sasuke then recognizes the warmth for what it is. _Home._

 

Konoha is Naruto’s home, but it is not Sasuke’s. Sasuke doesn’t have a home, but there exists the tiniest possibility that he may rebuild it from the ashes of the past. Rebuild a home with Naruto. Naruto, the one who he blindly trusts, and Sasuke, the one Naruto has always believed in, no matter the situation.

 

_Home._

 

Naruto smiles, genuinely and completely honest, and takes Sasuke’s hand, pulling him into a hug. Sasuke does not know how to react. Naruto is warm, he is _warmth, home_ , everything about him pulling Sasuke in, begging him to lean into the last source of warmth available to him. A potential home.

 

“Usuratonkachi,” Sasuke threatens, ushering Naruto’s arm aways from his body “I have to _go._ ” He wants to stay, but the world is large and wide, bigger than any of them.

 

The blonde coughs to hide a laugh. “Of course, bastard.” he says, his eyes now holding less sadness than before, eyes brighter than the sun. “I’ll be waiting.”

 

Sasuke gives the other man a hint of a smile, and turns aways from him and back to the road. He feels Naruto’s presence recline back at the tree, getting further and further away as Sasuke continues to walk down the road. Sasuke notes that Naruto stays there, and he stays until Sasuke runs far enough that he cannot sense him anymore because of the distance between them.

 

So, Sasuke runs. He leaves Konoha again, but this time–

 

This time he leaves with a promise on his lips.

  
_I’ll be waiting_. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Butterflies](https://genius.com/Samsa-butterflies-annotated) by Samsa.

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing left to say here :/ but I'm writing a shikanaru modern au if anyone's interested lol
> 
> leave comments if you want!!
> 
> ig: frenchleaves  
> tumblr: hatakekakashj  
> twitter: shikameninist


End file.
